Coffee With Ahmet and Mehmet (Cont.)

By Jirair Tutunjian, Toronto, 26 September 2011

Ahmet and Mehmet are having their regular morning coffee at a café in a town deep in Anatolia. Ahmet is checking the newspaper headlines.

Mehmet: Sabah khayeer, Ahmet. What’s new in ‘Turan Daily News’ today?

By Jirair Tutunjian, Toronto, 26 September 2011

Ahmet and Mehmet are having their regular morning coffee at a café in a town deep in Anatolia. Ahmet is checking the newspaper headlines.

Mehmet: Sabah khayeer, Ahmet. What’s new in ‘Turan Daily News’ today?

: Ilham Aliev is threatening Armenia… again.

Mehmet: Arkhadash, I know what you mean. Chojoukh Aliev is a softie; not like his father. I don’t think his mother was Turkish. Had Aliev been a pure Turk, he would have attacked Ermenler long ago.

Ahmet: My grandfather, who lived in Sultan Abdul Hamid’s time, blessed be his name, hated tall people. He used to say, “Taweel ou habeel.” It’s Arabic. It means “tall and stupid.” Baby Aliev reminds me of my grandfather’s words. Just like that taweel ou habeel Asad in Syria.

Mehmet: How true. Baby Aliev is all talk.

Ahmet: I have a saying about Arabs which you might like: “Neh Shamn shakaree, ne Arabn youzeh.” (Neither the sweets of Syria, nor the Arab’s face.) Our fathers didn’t think much of the Arabs. Arabs are still hayvan, but these days we have to be friends with them.

Mehmet: Yes. We need their oil and their huge market to sell our cheap biscuits, shampoos and soap operas. Now that padishah Erdogan has become the Arab idol, we will make real money from those slow-witted Arabs.

Ahmet: Inshallah. Once he has the Arabs in his palm he will go after the Moslem world—from Morocco to Indonesia. Bigger than our dream Turan Empire.

Mehmet: I’ve been reading history books. One author says Erdogan is doing what those foxy Ingileez did a long time. When their empire died, they created the Commonwealth. So the Ingileez Queen is still the head of India, Canada and African countries. Even if we don’t rule them as we did in Ottoman times, Arabs will accept Erdogan as their head and Turkey as their mother country.

Ahmet: Mehmet, ghardasheem… that’s nonsense. The Ingileez Elzabet is just a symbol. Erdogan doesn’t want to become a figurehead. He will become the real ruler of Moslem countries. You know twelve times our armies reached the doors of Vienna, Venice and Warsaw. Arab armies reached France in the 8th century. But as always, we were betrayed by those Jews. They pretended to be donme converts and gave our military secrets to the gavoors.

Mehmet: Just like the gavoor Ermenler. You know how many times they betrayed us to the Russians. Otherwise we would have conquered the Caucasus and marched to the borders of China… back to our homeland.

Ahmet: Mehmet, don’t say that. Ataturk said the ancient Hittites are the fathers of the Turks. We are indigenous to Asia Minor. If we are from Central Asia, we can’t also be natives of Anatolia.

Mehmet: You have a point there. But listen. .. Anadolu means “my grandmother is full.” It’s a poetic way of saying Mother Turkey is pregnant. So we are both from Anatolia and from Central Asia. Why can’t we be natives of both places?

Ahmet: You got something there. This country is full of 4,000-old Turkish place names… take for example Akdamar, Istanbul, Argi Dagh, Kars, Ardahan, Moosh, Samsun….

Mehmet: I am glad you mentioned Samsun. The Samson and Delilah story is Turkish. Samson was a Turkish hero who was betrayed probably by some Ermeni ghz. And what about Abraham? Blessed be his name. Everyone knows he was from Urfa. Our Sanliurfa. Abraham was a Turk. That means God gave us the Promised Land! Maybe that’s why Erdogan is tangling with the Israelis. I read somewhere that the Christian holy man—St. Paul was born in Tarsus, near Adana. He, too, was a Turk.

Ahmet: The Christian Santa Claus also originates in Turkey. There was a Turkish priest—Bishop of Myra, I think. His name was Nicholas. At bayram time this holy man gave presents to good Turkish boys and girls. The Christians changed his name to Santa Claus and turned our bayram to their gavoor holiday. There is no end to the perfidy of the gavoorlar.

I think the history of mankind should be re-written to recognize that we are a special people—God’s Chosen, if I might say so. The Roman Empire’s history would change when people realize that Julius Caesar was born in Turkey—Kayseri is named after him because he was born there.

Ahmet: I am glad we are drinking coffee and not raki. Otherwise, some gavoor listening to us would say we were drunk and delusional.

Mehmet: Who cares what gavoors say? Erdogan will make sure the world learns that Allah put Turks on this planet to rule it. Ottomans had the right idea but they were corrupted and betrayed by the gavoor concubines they bought in Bulgaria, Greece, Georgia…not to mention Jews.

There is much truth in what you say. But please lower your voice… everyone knows Ataturk was Y-a-h-o-o-d-i. His head was shaped like the head of a sheep. Proof, some say, that he was a secret Y-a-h-o-o-di.

1 comment
  1. Superman Erdogan

    I like your picture of Erdogan as Superman. But when Erdogan’s cape is stripped, he will not be mild-mannered Clark Kent. He will not even be a cub reporter. He will be another version of laughable Ahmet and Mehmet.

Comments are closed.

You May Also Like
Read More


ՄԿՐՏԻՉ Յ. ՊՈՒԼՏՈՒՔԵԱՆ, Պէյրութ Բանախօսութիւն Պէյրութի Ամերիկեան Համալսարանի շրջանաւարտներու Համաշխարհային Համախմբումի Առեւտրական Միաւորի կազմաւորման առիթով Ինիսունական թուականներուն սկիզբը,…
Read More