Gift for R.T. Erdogan

By Jack Baronian, Toronto, 16 April 2015

About 15 years ago there was an American bestseller titled “What Makes Sammy Run?” Watching for more than a decade the Turkish leaders insane-inane words and watching his destructive domestic and foreign policies, one could ask: “What Makes Erdogan Run?”

From a humble Laz background in Georgia, he was for a while a semi-professional soccer player. Then he became mayor of Istanbul. He was several times prime minister. He was elected president recently, although he was hamstrung by financial scandals. The Turkish parliament jumps whenever Erdogan wishes it do so. Most of Turkish media spout his Islamic Ottoman propaganda or are cowed by the punishment meted out to dissenters. But Prez. Erdo is still unhappy. What does he want? He already has the world’s most expensive toy—the newly-built $600-million Presidential Palace.

Poor Erdo is unfulfilled.

By Jack Baronian, Toronto, 16 April 2015

About 15 years ago there was an American bestseller titled “What Makes Sammy Run?” Watching for more than a decade the Turkish leaders insane-inane words and watching his destructive domestic and foreign policies, one could ask: “What Makes Erdogan Run?”

From a humble Laz background in Georgia, he was for a while a semi-professional soccer player. Then he became mayor of Istanbul. He was several times prime minister. He was elected president recently, although he was hamstrung by financial scandals. The Turkish parliament jumps whenever Erdogan wishes it do so. Most of Turkish media spout his Islamic Ottoman propaganda or are cowed by the punishment meted out to dissenters. But Prez. Erdo is still unhappy. What does he want? He already has the world’s most expensive toy—the newly-built $600-million Presidential Palace.

Poor Erdo is unfulfilled.

What does this Laz, who masks himself as a Turk, want? To become Caliph, Sultan, Padishah and …replace Ataturk as the idol of the masses? Does he want the millions of Ataturk busts, statues, paintings, photos; depictions (in chalk, rock, flowers, etc.) punctuating every Turkish flat surface vanish to be replaced by his vicious likeness?

Does Erdo want to become Dedeturk (Grandfather of the Turks) and not a mere Ataturk II (Father of the Turks)?

Last year, when he revealed that the Americas were discovered by Muslims (read Turks) centuries before Columbus’s sighted Hispaniola, Erdogan was competing with historian/anthropologist/linguist/geographer Ataturk who had shared with the world, in the ‘30s, the intelligence that all civilizations had emanated from the Turks. We leave it to Turkish scholars to compare the two earth-shaking revelations and decide which one bestows greater glory on the barbarians from Central Asia who flattened Middle Eastern civilizations.

It tears one’s heart to watch the permanently irate, cantankerous, sullen, unrequited, in a pique, and depressed Erdogan as the man seeks ways to elevate himself to the heights of butcher/alcoholic Ataturk, the resident of Cirrhosis-by-the Bosporus.

An unknown fact lost in the mysteries of time can go a long way to raise Erdo’s stature above that of his bête noire–the Man Who Didn’t Like the Fez.

Following the sack (1184 B.C) of Troy by the Greeks, Prince Aeneas, who happened to be the son of goddess Aphrodite and a cousin of the defeated King Priam of Troy, was ordered by the gods to flee from the city which was hoodwinked by a wooden horse. Aeneas was reluctant to leave: after all, he was second only to Hector (the military leader of the Trojans) in bravery and had engaged mighty Achilles in single combat. But when the gods twisted his arm, prudent Aeneas fled to sail the Mediterranean on a secret mission for the gods. After a longish stay in Carthage (Tunisia) where lovelorn Queen Dido (originally from Phoenicia) fell in love with Aeneas, the Trojan prince wrote a “Dear Dido…” note to end their affair. Dido, the silly woman, committed suicide. To fulfill his divine mission, Aeneas couldn’t tarry any longer in the embrace of the queen.

What was Aeneas’ divine mission? To lay the foundation of the Roman Empire that would be established by his descendants–Romulus and Remus. The details, with footnotes and bibliography, are in Virgil’s “Aenead”. Thus Aeneas was the proto-founder of the greatest empire ever and the father of European civilization.

Despite his slew of “historians” who have made a career fabricating Armenian Genocide denial, poor Erdo is unaware of the golden opportunity facing him: no one has told the Laz boy that the Trojans were Turks. What proof one need other than the prominent “Tr” sound in the names of both nations? What proof other than that Trojans lived in Asia Minor? What better proof than their proclivity for bloodletting? Brave Hector was a Turk. Handsome Paris, who eloped with Helen, the wife of King Agamemnon, was a Turk. Aeneas, auburn-haired and of stocky physique, looked Turkish. He also enjoyed killing (he sent the souls of 28 Greeks to Kingdom Come).  The Turkish “aga” perhaps derives from King Agamemnon.

In other words, nearly three millennia ago Turks founded the Roman Empire, and in doing so created Europe and the Western world, including the Americas, as we know it. When that historically-solid fact is put against drunkard Ataturk’s hallucination that Turkic tribes are the source of all cultures, the winner is inevitable. The Aeneas saga, written by unimpeachable historian Virgil, is definitely the more robust scholarly achievement. Erdogan’s revelation is guaranteed more mileage than that of detritus tremens fantasies of fez-averse Mustapha.

However, there might be a fly in the 3,000-year-old soup: Aeneas, being the son of Aphrodite, was a demigod. Turks would be descended from a divine… unless, of course, Erdo’s fundamentalist fans consider the concept haram.

A recent biography of Erdogan is titled “The Sun of the Age”. A government deputy proclaimed Erdogan “carries all the attributes of Allah in himself.” Another deputy stated: “Even touching Erdogan is a form of worship.” Despite the glorification by the usual sinecures, Ataturk still nags the jumped-up Hoja Erdo. Aeneas is Erdogan’s platinum opportunity to score a decisive mortal hit against his nemesis–the fez-ophobic Mustapha as he prances down the regal aisle to be crowned Universal Light, Sultan and Padishah of the Turks and Muslims…Caliph Dedeturk.”  

Perhaps next day Erdo’s long-dormant smile will finally hover around his pinched mouth. But don’t count on it. Erdo’s ambition is to rule the lands from the Iberian Peninsula to Indonesia—about 50 countries. Bismillah.

 

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