Mr. Erdogan Demands an Apology

Keghart.com Board Editorial, 8 August 2011

Sad to say, Recep Erdogan, the cantankerous and headline-hungry prime minister of Turkey, is sleeping on the job. Otherwise, how would one explain that despite the acute need for one, he has failed to establish a Ministry of Apologies in Ankara?

While he has demanded apologies from Armenia, Germany and Israel, the irascible politician has failed to demand an apology from Queen Elizabeth II, her ancestors, the Oxford/Cambridge University Presses and the English people in general for naming an obese and clumsy bird ‘turkey’. Irritable Erdogan has also been negligent in suing the estates of Mozart and Puccini for the negative portrayal of Ottoman Turk/Turan people in “Escape from the Seraglio” and “Turandot” respectively.
 

Keghart.com Board Editorial, 8 August 2011

Sad to say, Recep Erdogan, the cantankerous and headline-hungry prime minister of Turkey, is sleeping on the job. Otherwise, how would one explain that despite the acute need for one, he has failed to establish a Ministry of Apologies in Ankara?

While he has demanded apologies from Armenia, Germany and Israel, the irascible politician has failed to demand an apology from Queen Elizabeth II, her ancestors, the Oxford/Cambridge University Presses and the English people in general for naming an obese and clumsy bird ‘turkey’. Irritable Erdogan has also been negligent in suing the estates of Mozart and Puccini for the negative portrayal of Ottoman Turk/Turan people in “Escape from the Seraglio” and “Turandot” respectively.
 

Because for centuries Italians, especially in the coastal areas, faced threats from Turkish pirates and invaders, to this day some Italian peasant women warn their misbehaving children that the “Turchi” (Turks) would kidnap them. Here again we see that Erdogan has missed the golden opportunity to demand an apology from Italian peasant women.

The litany of Erdogan’s missed opportunities to extract apologies from non-Turks doesn’t end there. There is more… much more.

The fulminating prime minister of Turkey should go after Broadway and Hollywood: For far too long these two pillars of popular American entertainment have labeled “turkey” a play or a movie which has failed to sell tickets. American movies should be banished from Turkish screens and plays not produced unless Broadway and Hollywood promise to banish the negative descriptive to… Deir el Zorr?

In North America a fierce and cruel person is sometimes called a “turk”, due to the well-documented millennium-long history of Turkish barbarity. Erdogan should demand apologies from dictionaries and sports leagues, such as the National Hockey League where hockey players (“Turk Broda”, “Turk Derek Sanderson”) remain legends. Erdogan should also order Turkish linguists to find out the name of the culprit who named a certain vulture “turkey buzzard.” That person’s name should be blue-penciled from all books sold in Turkey.

Just south of North America, below the Bahamas, are the Turks and Caicos Islands. The capital of the 166 sq. mi. islands is called Grand Turk. That designation might confuse Erdogan: Is it a compliment or an insult to name a couple of barren, impoverished islands Turks and Caicos? Only Erdogan knows for sure.

Bristling Erdogan should also demand an apology from Greece and all Middle East Arab nations for insisting to call their coffee-brewing style “Greek” or “Arabic”. It’s neither here nor there that some people call the beverage “Turkish coffee” because it was Armenian merchants, from the Ottoman Empire, who introduced coffee to Europe and thus gave its Turkish misnomer.

Talking about comestibles… bakers and patisseries from Paris to Perth, Australia should also apologize to Turkey for baking croissants. As many history buffs know, the croissant (“crescent”) was first baked in 1688, during the Turkish siege of Vienna. Viennese bakers invented a crescent-shaped cookie, after seeing the threatening Turkish crescent flag, day in, day out. Viennese women picked up the croissants and chewed them as they sashayed over the Vienna ramparts, in full view of the besiegers, to show their contempt for the Turkish army. Mad-as-hell Erdogan should ban ASAP the sale of croissants in Turkey and demand that all culinary institutes, restaurants, brasseries and cafes around the globe write a letter of apology to Turkey for serving the half-moon cookie.

While Russia and Turkey have been mending fences recently, the development should not stop scowling Erdogan from demanding an apology from Russia, not to mention from Ukraine and the Cossacks. Back in the later 19th century, famed Russian-Ukrainian artist Ilya Repin painted “Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks”, which depicted a group of roughneck Cossacks writing an insulting letter to Ottoman Sultan Mehmet IV. The latter had demanded that the Slav warriors of steppes submit to Turkish rule. To acquire the popular canvas, Tsar Alexander III paid the highest amount ever paid for a Russian painting. Since then the canvas has become a piece de resistance of Russian/Cossack/Ukrainian patriotic folklore. Quick-to-take offense Erdogan should demand that Russians not exhibit the famous painting… and perhaps consider sending the Repin painting to Ankara to hide where the Turkish government hides shameful documents such as details of the Genocide of Armenians.

But back to those pesky English and their dictionaries. Here’s another example of English insolence, especially when the insult hits so close to home for Erdogan: “turkey cock” is a phrase used to describe a strutting and pompous person. Now, if peeved and pouting Erdogan decides to go after the English dictionaries, this would be the natural place he should start.

The above list of Turkish complaints, by no means exhaustive, remains orphan, without any demand for apology. Their deplorable existence proves that Erdogan, who seems to live in a permanent state of high dudgeon, is unworthy to lead the country which cared so deeply for the welfare of its Armenians that it transported them nearly a century ago, in sleek German trains, from the cold of Western Armenia and Cilicia to the sunny resorts of the Syrian Desert.
 

11 comments
  1. Mr. Apology of Ankara

    Sultan Recep of the Erdogan Caliphate should demand an apology from the Turkish Army for the latter’s failure to conquer all of Cyprus.

  2. Erdogan to Batman’s Rescue

    Some months ago the mayor of Batman in southeast Turkey (occupied Western Armenia) demanded that DC Comics cease and desist from using the name Batman for the comic book hero or pay royalties to his city. The American media ridiculed the nutty mayor. Perhaps Sultan Erdogan should take up the Batman mayor’s case and demand an apology from DC Comics, not to mention from all the actors who have played the role.

  3. This is Hilarious!!

    This is hilarious!! On-time and on-the-spot. 
    It’s good to have humorous articles like this every now-and-then. Bravo Jirair and Keghart team!

    I hope Erdogan will read it….and comment.

     

  4. Victor Hugo too should apologize

    Dig up Victor Hugo from the cemetery and make him apologize for disseminating "falsehood" when he wrote "The Turks were here" while describing massacres and carnage.

  5. The Big Bird doth protest too

    The Big Bird doth protest too much, methinks. Maybe this year Armenians can celebrate Thanks-for-taking. He should seek damages from KFC. They’ve been using traditional Turkish headwear as a food container for years.
  6. Greek Entertainer to Apologize to Erdogan?

    The famous Greek singer, Kharis Alexiou, who is also popular in Turkey, has a romantic song where the lyrics speak of her lover who has deserted her. She says, "You left me like a Turkeyfied city…." i.e. when Turks invade a city they leave devastation behind. Hence the Greek song writer says, in a romantic-methaphorical way: "m’afises san poly Turkemeni" — You left me like a city where the Turks have been and gone.

  7. Não entendo porque vocês se

    Não entendo porque vocês se recusaram, por 3 vezes, a publicar a seguinte definição:

    ERDOGAN – Parece nome de remédio. Certamente, um purgativo …

    Ora, o texto de Tutundjian é muito mais sarcástico do que esta simples – e verdadeira – definição. Então, qual o motivo de seus pruridos de bom-mocismo ?

    Desta vez,conto com a publicação. Se não, faço greve…    
     

    I do not understand why you refused, 3 times, to be published the following definition:

    ERDOGAN – Sounds like a medicine. Certainly, a purge …

    Now the text Tutundjian is much more sarcastic than this simple – and true – definition. So, why their do-gooder ethos of rashes?

    This time, I expect the publication. If not, I strike …

    Automatic translation powered by

     

  8. Armenian Apology

    Yes, Armenians will apologize to Turkey once historical Armenia is recovered. We shall then tell the Turkish nomads, "Our apologies but your Illegal settlement in Armenia is over." We can be sure that with their criminal past, they will be welcomed nowhere, not even by the Uyghours in Uyghouristan. 

  9. Apologies Yev Masamp Norin

    Dear Jirair,

    Recep Erdogan is one of those people who is trying to make a name in the history of  leaders by stepping on whatever he can find on his way up. The issue of apologies is one of those mute musical notes no matter how much tenor or baritone he seems to be.

    Such names in the history of humanity have produced tragic consequences to an entire region and nations. A leader is considered mature when he is over 60 of age; that  is why the British have the House of Lords where members possess a wide angle and a three-dimensional outlook on world affairs.

  10. Cabeza de Turco – Turk head

    Some 20 to 25 years ago, while I lived in Spain, an important event took place there. A certain Coronel (colonel) Tejero, with his small band of officers, busted into the Spanish Cortes(Parliament). After the demise of dictator Francisco Franco, Spain had become a constitutional monarchy.

    Tejero’s attack was thwarted by the king’s forces. Tejero was imprsoned. Then one of the important Madrid newspapers published an account of the plot, with the above headline and next to which a photo of the infamous Tejero wearing a Turkish fez.

    You can see, in the above, an antecedent. Perhaps 400 years ago the Spanish Armada was attacked in the Mediterranean by Turkish pirates or other vessels. The battle that ensued was called "La Batalla del Lepanto." In a book about the battle, the author referred to the Turks as such (i.e. Cabeza de Turco-Turk head). The reason being that the admiral of the Spanish Armada had warned the Turks that if they did not surrender they would be eliminated. The Turks resisted and were destroyed. That is when the admiral told his lieutenants, "…these Cabeza de Turco….should have surrendered."

    I believe some genes in certain races continue to be active even today.

    1. Follow-up on Cabeza de Turco

      Many will remember the dispute that ensued last year when Israeli commandos attacked the Turkish flotilla carrying "humanitarian aid" to Gaza. Now my wished-for Turkish "khrs" (wrath) has flared and Davutoghlu, Turkey’s foreign minister, has ordered the Israeli ambassador to leave Ankara.

      Consider–this is purely hypothetical—another such diplomatic incident with similar symptoms may result in reprisal and further aggravate the already not-too-friendly atmosphere by Israel siding with Mountain Turks (sorry, I mean Kurds) and by extension involve Armenia. Op-ed columns in yesterday’s "Los Angeles Times" and the "New York Times" mentioned these possibilities.

      Heaven knows where the khrs may lead the government of Davoutoghlu and his boss Mr. Erdogan, who has declared he would be leading a real flotilla–not  just one vessel–himself aboard to Gaza. I have heard that the Israeli Air Force, if not their Navy, is one of the best in the world and heaven forbid they be ordered to intervene. War may break out. What’s more; that war would not stop there as the Kurds may stir up the Diarbakir area, close to the Armenian border, and invite massive Turkish military intervention to that region. Hopefully, not whetting the appetite of the Turkish Armed Forces to dare further east, towards Nakhichevan, to break through to little brother Azerbaijan, which is already craving for war against the Ermenis of Karabagh who dared to retake their ancestral land from Turco-Azeris. I am merely speculating.

      Will someone pick up where I have left off?

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