Report from The White House

Avedis Kevorkian, Philadelphia, PA, 7 June 2013

You know how it is.  You hear something, you read something and, suddenly, random things start clicking into place.

It happened to me when Turkey’s Prime Minister was visiting his bosom pal, President Meds Yeghern, recently, and I received a report from the fly on the wall of the Oval Office.

The fly was reporting the conversation that took place between the two friends, after the official photographer left the room.

Avedis Kevorkian, Philadelphia, PA, 7 June 2013

You know how it is.  You hear something, you read something and, suddenly, random things start clicking into place.

It happened to me when Turkey’s Prime Minister was visiting his bosom pal, President Meds Yeghern, recently, and I received a report from the fly on the wall of the Oval Office.

The fly was reporting the conversation that took place between the two friends, after the official photographer left the room.

The meeting took place the same week that Agence France-Presse moved a story on its wires about a report from the Reporters Without Borders that Turkey has more journalists in jail–47–than any other country, although other reports indicate the figure is as high as 94!  Whatever the figure, it is more than America’s greatest enemy, Cuba; more than America’s next greatest enemy, Iran; more than America’s next greatest enemy, China; and more than America’s next greatest enemy, North Korea.  (As you can see, America has a supply of “greatest enemy” nations, just in case it needs one for some political reason.)

Some time ago, there was the revelation that the Yeghern regime has used an obscure 1917 Act to bring action against “whistle-blowers”–and has done so six times, whereas the previous 16 presidents have used it a total of two times–that’s right twice!

Then came the scandal involved with the Infernal Revenue Service’s intense checking of right-wing organizations seeking charitable status.

Then there was the regime’s checking of the telephone files of The Associated Press in order to find who in government may have revealed something that the Yeghern regime didn’t want revealed.

While I was trying to determine if there was a link, came the Prime Minister’s visit and the message from the fly on the wall.  Everything fell into place.

“That’s it,” I said to myself–my “eureka” moment.  Our President Yeghern envies Turkey’s laws that permit the Prime Minister to jail anyone he doesn’t like, anyone who mocks him, anyone who challenges anything he does or says.

When they were alone, the President said, “Recep, dear friend, there are a couple of things that I want to bring up, but, first, I need some more advice.  I followed your instructions about the Armenian Genocide that never happened, and I got away with it, and I survived and got re-elected.  But I have more important things that are troubling me,  Basically, I want you tell me how I can put people in jail.”

The Prime Minister replied, “As I told you the last time we had this discussion, we have that wonderful Article 301 of our Penal Code.  If there is any journalist–or anyone else, for that matter–I don’t like, I accuse him of ‘insulting Turkishness’ and put him away.  Unfortunately, in your Constitution, you have a nasty thing called ‘The Bill of Rights,’ and the first Right includes some nonsense about the ‘freedom of the press‘ and the ‘freedom of speech.’  So, you can’t imprison anyone for ‘insulting Americanness.‘“  

“Yes, we talked about that the last time.  But, what can I do NOW?”

“Dear Barry, old boy, the answer is simple.  Keep using those magic words ‘national security’ or ‘war on terror,’ or something similar.” 

“That’s all?”

“No.  You can rely on threats to America.  Suggest that the action of the person aided the enemy.  You don’t have to say which enemy or how or where.”

The President interrupted “That’s what I did with the AP story.”

“Yes,” the Prime Minister said, “that was brilliant.  Also, you can question the loyalty and patriotism of the journalist, and you can go after the publishers and owners of the media.  Not too long ago, I broke one of my biggest opponents by accusing them of cheating on their income taxes.”

Before the President could comment, the Prime Minister said, “I hope you won’t get angry, but there is something else.  You could stop criticizing other countries about the way they treat their people, especially about so-called ‘human rights’ and ‘freedom of the press,’ especially.  After all, many of the worst countries in these areas are also some of your best friends.  So, if you say nothing about other countries, then when you start cracking down in this country you may get away with it.”

“Thanks.  What I am afraid of is if I keep pushing our journalists, someone will remember the French news-service report and use it against our friendship and my silence.  Obviously, you have noticed that I have never said anything about your treatment of your journalists.”

“Yes, thank you.  I am surprised that the American media never used the French report.”

“That’s one of the good things about the American media, they are lazy and ignore many good stories from abroad.”

There was a slight pause, and then the President said, “Well, that is settled.  All good advice, as usual.  I’ll think about how to implement them.  Thank you.  Now, before I bring up my second subject, why did you come and what can I do for you?”

“Well, to put it bluntly, we have got ourselves in a Hell of a mess in Syria, and we need you to help us.”

“YOU have got yourself in a mess and you want our help?  I was also going to ask you for help, because WE have got ourselves in a mess in Syria, as well.  I have people who want us to do more, to send more arms to the rebels, even to send troops.  I certainly don’t want to send troops, and I am worried that if I send arms, the rebels may turn around and use them against us, down the road.  Just as happened before.  No, we have to think of something else.”

“Well, you could send a warship to the coast of Syria saying that it is there only to protect American interests, and we could ‘false flag’ attack the ship for you and you could blame it on Assad.  We are good at ‘false flags’; it worked splendidly in Cyprus before our invasion.”

The President thought a bit and then said, “No, I don’t think that will work,  The whole world knows that Assad doesn’t want America to get involved–or more involved than we are now–in Syria.  No, I am afraid no one would believe that he would be so foolish to attack an American warship.”

There was another, longer, period of silence.

“Then, you are saying that America won’t help Turkey, at this time,” the Prime Minister said.

“No, unless we can come up with something.  Your suggestions about lying about the Armenians and the Cypriots and the Greeks were easy to do.  Our generally ignorant media accepts anything I say about them, but the Republican Party wants something positive in Syria, and I am–to put it bluntly–afraid of what could happen.”

The next period of silence was interrupted by the telephone ringing.  The President answered, “Fine,  Send him in.”

A member of the White House staff entered and gave the President some papers, and left.

The President then said, “Prime Minister, here is the script that we will use for the press conference.  Look it over, and if you like it, we will go out.  As you will see, it says all nice things about each other and our countries and I say what a wonderful job you are doing in the Middle East and you say how important it is that America rules the world.”

There was another pause, and then the Prime Minister said, “All right, Barry, let’s go.”

They leave.  

It should be noted that following his visit to Washington, Turkey’s Prime Minister  showed his love and respect for America  by announcing that he will visit Gaza and speak with the Palestinian leaders, who are considered terrorists by America.

 

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