Twelve-Step AI Salvation

By Serop Stepanian, Toronto, 15 March 2024

DEVIOUS, Switzerland, Feb. 30, 2045—World Economic Forum’s (WEF) founding father Dr. Emeritus Dinkle Winkle of the University of Thule-Atlantis unveiled his vision of humanity’s near future at the Hotel Grande Dimpflmeier during the emergency WEF gathering attended by 2,000 sinecures and members of the global elite. As in past gatherings, the pow-wow’s lead topic was the future of mankind.

Following centenarian President Klaus Swab’s introduction, Herr Doktor Winkle shook the audience when he ushered to the stage a silver-colored robot. He said the high-tech contraption is named Ayeee after the dreaded Artificial Intelligence (AI).

The eminent doktor, who conducts advanced research at the University of Nord Achtung, said his team had downloaded into the robot’s electronic brain all data  from the major libraries of the world, in addition to what the media have published and aired since 1945. The august academic said Ayee would make twelve recommendations to prevent the looming annihilation humanity faces. Below is a summary of robot Ayee’s predictions and recommendations:

Since we crawled out of primordial mud, we have been parasites, leeching our needs from MoNa (Mother Nature), said the Doktor. We have pillaged MoNa with reckless abandon and greed. It’s time to press the RESET button and take steps to salvage humanity from certain annihilation.

Below are the robot’s initial orders which will radically alter the way we live now.

  1. Every citizen will pay a two-tier monthly oxygen tax: the first tier tax will be for breathing oxygen (a valuable and finite resource) and the second for exhaling poisonous carbon dioxide into the air.
  2. Since husbandry is inimical to MoNa, it will be severely controlled by the state: animal carcass consumers will be allowed to purchase only a pound of animal remains a month. The much reduced herds will be beneficial to our oxygen reserves. Pet ownership will be banned because of the burden pets place on MoNa’s resources.
  3. All oil fields and refineries will be shuttered. All vehicles and machines using energy will be banned. Rather than destroy highways (an expensive undertaking), highways will be left unrepaired thus becoming no more than wide cow paths. Instead, the World Minatory Fund (MEF) will donate a bicycle to ever person over the age of twelve.
  4. Fishing and hunting will be banned since they are blatant theft from MoNa’s pantry. Honey will also be banned because it’s stolen from bees.
  5. People will be given monthly stipend by the government not to marry or have children. Couples will not be allowed to have more than one child. There will be no “baby bonus” payments to parents. In case a couple has a second baby, the government will confiscate the baby and give it to the Human Resources Ministry which will give the baby to a childless couple. If after a month, no appropriate parent is found, the baby will subjected to executive action.
  6. All educational institutions higher than Grade VI will be closed. Students will learn by the instructions which will be transmitted to the chips implanted in their brains.
  7. There will be no health care insurance. People who suffer from health problems linked to their bad habits (overeating, eating the wrong foods, not exercising) will be rejected medical services.
  8. All countries south of the equator will cultivate the same “crop”: insect husbandry. The insects will be our primary source of protein. Powdered insect is a good substitute for flour. A few hundred insects will make a rich “hamburger” patty.
  9. All houses which have more than two bedrooms will be razed. New houses with single or double bedrooms will be the norm. Smaller houses will take less space and waste less energy.
  10. All prisons will be closed. Instead, the World Government will establish prison cities in a remote corner of Siberia. The humongous prison complex will have no fences because anyone who tries to escape would freeze to death.
  11. All armies will be disbanded. They will be replaced by the World Army. The latter will prevent external and internal conflicts, including war. In case of war, revolution, riots, the World Army will be dispatched. The miscreants will be sent to Siberia.
  12. The above changes and rules will not apply to people who donate $1 million per annum to the World Government. These socially-conscious people will be known as Exclusive Citizens.

In the afternoon session, Ayee will outline further revolutionary developments as humanity/humankind slides into a dystopian world of the late George Orwell.





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