The Bottles Problem, Again

Avedis Kevorkian, Philadelphia, PA, 23 December 2010

Well, another American Congress has come to an end, and the House of Reprehensibles did not bring an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill to a floor vote, and I still have two bottles of Champagne in the refrigerator.

For those just tuning in (at the risk of trying the patience of those familiar with my problem), let me explain.

Avedis Kevorkian, Philadelphia, PA, 23 December 2010

Well, another American Congress has come to an end, and the House of Reprehensibles did not bring an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill to a floor vote, and I still have two bottles of Champagne in the refrigerator.

For those just tuning in (at the risk of trying the patience of those familiar with my problem), let me explain.

In 2006, the Dummycrats took over control of the US Congress, and the Armenians were jubilant. Or, to be more accurate, the self-appointed representatives ("please send money") and owners of the Armenians and all things Armenian were jubilant and were dancing in the streets until the police gently urged them onto the sidewalk so as not to hold up the auto traffic.

"At last," they shouted, "an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill will be passed and we will teach those nasty Turks a lesson." Against my better judgement–since I know that Ankara dictates policy to Washington on all matters-Armenian–I believed the self-appointed representatives of the Armenians ("please send money") and owners of the Armenians and all things Armenian and I put a bottle of Champagne in the refrigerator to celebrate in style on that great day.

Alas, as those Armenians foolish enough to waste their time expecting the US Congress to pass an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill know, that Congress did not pass an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill. And, I asked the readers of this web-site, "How long can I keep a bottle of Champagne in the refrigerator?" Unfortunately, no one offered an opinion, so the bottle stayed where it was.

Then, in 2008, not only did the Dummycrats keep both Houses of Congress but also they elected as President who, as a Senator, spoke so highly of the Armenians and so knowledgeably about the Genocide, and who, as a candidate for the presidency, spoke even more highly of the Armenians and knowledgeably of the Armenian Genocide and promised to "recognize" the Armenian Genocide, and who, as the nominee, spoke even more gloriously of the Armenians and made more solid promises about recognition of the Armenian Genocide.

Needless to say, the self-appointed representatives of the Armenians ("please send money"), and owners of the Armenians and all things Armenian, were rhapsodically jubilant and were back dancing in the streets until the impatient police urged them more strongly to get back on the sidewalk where they continued to dance. "This time," they said, "the Congress will pass an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill," not having learned the basic fact that Ankara dictates to Washington in matters-Armenian. But, their jubilation was so passionate that I, against my better judgement, put another bottle of Champagne in the refrigerator. I convinced myself that–on that glorious day–it will take two bottles to get me drunk for the first time in my life.

That Congress has just adjourned without the Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill coming to a floor vote. So, I now have two bottles of Champagne in my refrigerator and I ask again, "How long can I keep Champagne in the refrigerator? Will they go flat?"

The reason for my concern is that in the recent elections, the Repugnant Party won the House of Reprehensibles with a huge majority, and the likelihood of an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill getting to a floor vote is slim.

At this point, I must digress to express my wonderment that the self-appointed representatives of the Armenians ("please send money") and owners of the Armenians and all things Armenian do not accept the fact known to everyone in Washington and Ankara that Ankara dictates policy to Washington in all matters-Armenian (and matters-Cypriot and matters-Greek, for that matter–but let us not go down that path).

Take just the recent period when the Dummycrats took over the Witless House. No sooner was the Secretary of State confirmed in her post than Ankara summoned Hilliar Clinkhead to Ankara to be given her instructions in matters-Armenian (and matters-Cypriot and matters-Greek).

When President Meds Yeghern announced that he would be going to London for the G-20 meeting in late in March and to Brussels in early April for the NATO meeting, he was instructed to come to Ankara to get his instructions in matters-Armenian (and matters-Cypriot and matters-Greek). Obeying his Masters, he went in early April. (I wrote to the President asking for photos of him kissing the feet of the Turkish Prime Minister, but I didn’t get any. I still wonder why.)

Later that month, the President made his back-tracking insulting message to the Armenians telling the Armenians that the Armenians suffered in some distant past but, what-the-Hell, get over it.

While he was in Ankara, President Yeghern gave the Turks the keys to the Witless House and told them to "Drop in any time you are in the neighborhood." Thus, as you may have noted, the Turkish leaders have been in Washington and in the Witless House more often than the leaders of any other country. They obviously want to be sure that the Liar in the Witless House, Mark III (Mark I was President Clinkhead, and Mark II was President Shrub) still understands his orders. And, of course, we have seen how the administration led the battle to prevent the House of Reprehensibles from voting on an Armenian Genocide Recognition Bill. Of course, the Liar and his administration officials weren’t alone. They had the co-operation of the phony lip-service so-called “friends” who belong to the Armenian Croak-us who somehow can’t seem to have any influence on presidents whether they be Dummycrat or Repugnant. (Most people are rewarded on delivery. The members of the Armenian Croak-us are rewarded on promises and keep getting awards and citation at lunches and dinners in their honor. But, that is the color of another horse.)

End of digression, since the facts are known to all American Armenians except the self-appointed representatives of the Armenians ("please send money") and owners of the Armenians and all things Armenian.

So, I ask all those oenophiles out there, "How long can I keep two bottles of Champagne in the refrigerator?" I can’t think of any special occasion to drink the Champagne. I stopped observing my birthday since the Fire Department said that all the candles on the cake were a fire hazard. I could drink in the new year, but that, too, reminds me of how old I am getting.

But if the Champagne will go flat soon, I might decide to drink to the memory of Mustafa Kemal. After all, he is the father of a country that has become the most powerful in the world.

How else can one describe a country that has dictated to Washington for more years than I care to remember?

  1. No Problems with the Bogttles


    I don’t know whether Ankara or Tel Aviv or Beijing is running the United State. For Arabs, it’s Tel Aviv; for
    Tibetans, it’s Beijing, and for us it’s Ankara of course. I know that, like many of us, you are frustrated. However, it serves absolutely no purpose to be cynical and use words such as "House of Reprehensible" and the like. Spare it; one day you may eat crow.

    You are not being fair to characterize those who are doing a good job in pushing our agenda in Washington as "self-appointed representatives of the Armenians ("please send money") and owners of the Armenians and all things Armenian". No one has pointed a gun at us for money. The monies we send to them have not deprived any one of us, I believe, from buying a lesser house or car that we wanted to buy. I do not think that those monies even deprived our refrigerator of Champaign, let alone of beer or our tables of cake.

    My recommendation is that you drink the Champagne with your family and friends and cherish the small victories we have achieved, the friendship and the solidarity we have forged on the way. We have come a long but not traversed the whole journey yet. Unfortunately and unfairly we are made to pursue a longer trail. Whether we will get there or not is not the issue as much as whether we will continue to pursue it or not. You rightly point out that the one who shed crocodile tears upon his party’s victory is surely going to add few more twists and turns and a bumper or two here and there.

    I don’t think not continuing to pursue the recognition of the Genocide of Armenians through the U.S. Congress is something you advocate. In pursuing the recognition of Genocide at the highest levels, we have also educated generations of our youth and passed and are passing on the torch. I see no alternative; I don’t think you proposed one.

  2. Bottles of Champagne Belong in Jerusalem

    Sireli Avedis,

    In my view, the US will not recognize the Genocide of Armenians until Israel does. Regardless of recent so-called "discord" between Turkey and Israel, the latters’ alliance is still strong and what is being played is a theater for the masses. Geopolitically, the question of Genocide recognition is a pawn being used by Israel, Turkey, the EU and the US for their own agendas.

    A scrutiny of the Wikileaks cables from Ankara would confirm the above.

    To expect anything less would be naive at best, totally foolish or even knowingly lying to the Armenian masses at worst.

    That is why my advice would be to ship those bottles of Champagne to the Armenian Patriarchate of Jerusalem, to be held in trust for a long period, along with our millennial manuscripts and ancient inscriptions as a relic.

    Even if it did go flat, which good Champagne should not do for a long time if stored properly, the two bottles would be a testimony of our times and a rather intoxicating time capsule to be discovered by future generations of Armenians (if anyone is left that is).

    Viken L. Attarian


  3. Cheap Champagne

    Just drink your cheap Champagne; it may just help bring some sense to your mindless rhetoric. Leave the real political work to the professionals. No one needs your worthless opinion.

  4. Pelosi and ANCA Dummycrats

    What, you have lost faith in Nancy Pelosi, chief Dummycrat and friend of Armenians?  What do you want, that ANCA become pro-Republican? 

    No, it should stay pro-Dummycrat.   Just wait, Obama (ANCA endorsed) will surely acknowledge the Genoocide.  When he is out of office and no longer feels the need to kiss the *** of Turkey and Hillary Clinton (ugh ….?).

    Dummycrats  are the  friends of  Armenians eternally.   Republicans are  bad
    people. There are lots of people who actually believe that, Mr. Kevorkian.  I encourage you to continue to speak out against the Dummycrats and  ANCA. 

    By the way, the Dummycrats at AAA are no better.

  5. Those Two Bottles-

    Since some of your readers seem to have been disturbed by my essay on what to do with the two bottles of Champagne in my refrigerator and the remarks about the ineffective self-appointed representatives of the Armenians (“pleases send money”), I hope you will permit me to respond.

    First. The reactions to my recent essay intrigue me. I mentioned no names–of individuals or organizations. I was critical of all those self-appointed representatives of the Armenians (“please send money”) because I see them all as ineffective. Yet, those who are critical of my view cite one organization. Is it because they belong to that organization and support that organization and do send money–and also accept that it could be one of the ineffective self-appointed representatives of the Armenians (“please send money”? Whatever the reason, I am intrigued.

    The reason I am critical is that these self-appointed representative (“please send money”) seem to spend more time blowing their horns and boasting of their achievements rather than producing results.

    Permit me to tell a story. In 1987, various Armenian groups in Europe were vying with each other (“please send money”) in order to get a Genocide Recognition resolution passed by the EuroParliament. One man in London–repeat, one man in London–went to Brussels and spoke privately with the Chairman of the British Conservative group in the EuroParliament. Being the largest Conservative Group, the British Group and its leader were the most influential in the Conservative-led EuroParliament. The one man from London–repeat, one man–quietly explained to the leader of the Group the importance of passing a Genocide Recognition legislation. The leader agreed. He called a caucus of the Group, and all but five members said they would go along. When the time came for a vote, the British Conservatives voted “Aye.” The Conservatives from the other countries, took their lead, and almost all voted “Aye.” Those of other parties who were undecided, took the lead from the Conservatives, and the measure was passed.

    The man from London, returned to London, quietly. The many Armenian groups began taking the credit. He remained silent.

    When the news reached the pro-Turkish Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, she hit the roof in her rage, called the leader of the British Conservatives to London, berated him, and told him that he was dead and she would fight his re-election. He is reported to have told her that he felt he had done the right thing, and that he would not seek re-election–and didn’t. It is reported–repeat, “reported”–that Mrs Thatcher apologized to the Turks.

    Meanwhile the one man in London, kept to himself. Only six of us know the story–and our lips are sealed.

    Moral: Spend less time blowing your horn, and more time working behind the scenes.

    Second. Never having tasted crow, I must confess that I am looking forward to it. I would like nothing better than to see an Armenian Genocide Resolution pass in the Congress (I assume the House and the Senate, of course), and if my eating crow will result, so be it. I ask, however, how does one prepare crow? Perhaps one of my critics will be kind enough to prepare it for me–and I hope I live long enough. And, permit me to ask if one crow will be enough? They seem rather small for a whole meal–or, will I be provided with many crows? If not, and if the single crow is to serve as an appetizer, permit me to ask what would be a suitable entrée? In any case, I will keep the two bottles of Champagne in the refrigerator, after all. Champagne, I have been told, goes well with all food and, I assume, with crow as well.

    Avedis Kevorkian
    Philadelphia, PA

    1. Eating Crow

      "Eating crow" is a learned expression for me. I don’t think I had used it before. I used it in response to your writing about your infamous bottles of Champagne.

      Before I used the expression, I consulted Wikipedia, which states the following: "Eating crow (archaically, eating boiled crow) is an English-language idiom meaning humiliation by admitting wrongness or having been proved wrong after taking a strong position.[1] Eating crow is presumably foul-tasting in the same way that being proved wrong might be emotionally hard to swallow.[1] Eating crow is of a family of idioms having to do with eating and being proved incorrect, such as to "eat dirt", to "eat your words", and to "eat your hat".

      After reading the explanation, I figured that I would still use the expression “eat crow” to make my point, rather than use the expressions for eating dirt, words or hat. After all, the crow may not be tasty, but it must be edible since it’s protein and therefore nutritious. Although not good tasting, I though it was preferable to the alternatives– dirt, word, or hat. We have a more extreme expression in Armenian, but I rather not mention it here.

      Avedis, I used the expression to emphasize my points. I did find your essay disturbing, pointless and unappreciative of the good work done by those who ask for our financial contributions–from Washington or elsewhere. God forbid that we face a world where no Armenian organization drops a flier or two in our mailbox asking for money.

      In this season, you, more than many, have more of  reason to celebrate the Christmas because your name is Avedis–herald of good tidings..

      Shnorhavor Nor Dari Yev Sourp Dznount.


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