KeghartSATIRE
By Jirair Tutunjian, Toronto, 26 September 2025
The bolded words are recent Pashinyan quotes.
A source close to Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan’s inner cabinet lent to us a copy of the speech Mr. Pashinyan will deliver to the nation next week.
“Now that Azerbaijan has returned Artsakh to its native Armenians, Azerbaijani soldiers have withdrawn from Armenian territory they had illegally occupied in recent years, and my friend Ilham has renounced aggression against Armenia; Baku has also released the Artsakh prisoners-of-war. I am happy to report to you that I plan to reduce our defense spending from 665 billion drams a year to 563 billion drams. In dollars that’s down to $1.47 billion. We will also reduce compulsory military service from two years to 18 months.
“I know backstabbers, Tashnaks, nationalists, Diaspora agitators, revanchists, and fascists will be quick to point out that while we are reducing our budget, Azerbaijan is increasing its military budget to $5 billion. The explanation for the apparent contradiction—I think—is called dichotomy in scientific Greek.
“Before criticizing me for reducing the military budget while Azerbaijan is increasing its budget, consider this cogent fact: With a population more than three times that of Armenia’s, it’s only fair that neighbor Baku would have a larger defense budget and a larger military than Armenia.
“Also consider the dilemma Mr. Aliyev finds himself in: Thanks to profligate Mother Nature’s gas emissions, Mr. Aliyev has few avenues where he can spend all that lucre. How many mansions can you buy in Paris, London, Rome, the Riviera, Washington, Istanbul, Antalya, and Las Vegas? How many fleets of Mercedes, BMW, and Testarossa can you buy?
“As you know, Turkey has always feared that we would someday demand Ararat, Kars, Ardahan, and all of historic Armenia. We believe the reduction of our defense budget will send a message to President Recep Erdogan that we pose no threat to Turkey and that all we want is to be good neighbors. Since historic Armenia is populated by Kurds, Erdogan will gladly hand the land to pacific Armenia.
“Another major benefit re our decision: the reduction of the obligatory months of military service will release thousands of young men to pursue their careers, pay taxes, and boost our economy.
“Armenia’s army is the least important tool for ensuring the country’s security. Its existence is a challenge to our neighbors’ security strategy. Let’s reduce the size of Armenia’s army…already one senior Azeri officer has called for ‘restrictions’ to be placed on Armenian armed forces. Let’s do it voluntarily before we are forced to do.
These radical (radical doesn’t mean bad or socialist. It means root-related) changes I will enact will create the New Armenian: proudly defenseless…a country which will continue to offer the world great men and women (boxers, chess players, wrestlers, skaters, and duduk players).
Let’s forget the so-called Dikran the Great, the Drtad I who killed a bull in Rome, the so-called ‘Kachn’ Vartan who caused the death of 60,000 Armenian soldiers; the fighters during the First World War who failed to protect our people. Let’s forget the Diaspora which acts as fifth columnist for our domestic Quislings.
“Finally, the name of our country. When you look up ‘Armenia’ in reference books, you will see that next to Armenia is a litany of our misfortunes: Armenia the defeated, the conquered, the persecuted. I now say to you: ‘I am mad and will no longer take it.” Thus, I launch a competition called “Name My Country.” The name ‘Armenia’ has been bad for us. Let’s pick a lucky name.” The winner of the completion will receive three-year scholarship at the Bogazci University of Istanbul.”
Keghart
Keghart
11 comments
Jirair can always be counted on for sharp satire.
Jirair may be good in sharp satire but blind patriotism and nationalism void of pragmatism make the likes of him “hezballa” armenians who keep raising their heads to be beaten always against stronger rivals and enemies.
To avoid misunderstanding by people who don’t follow Armenian news, the article has the word SATIRE in red above the headline. One of the characteristics of satire, as in cartoons, is exaggeration. The core message of the article is Nikol Pashinyan’s irresponsible decision to dangerously reduce Armenia’s defense budget while the permanently threatening Azerbaijan is increasing its already much larger defense budget. To make matters worse, Pashinyan has decided to reduce mandatory military service. Pashinyan’s military strategy is a novel one: when your enemy which claims ownership of the country you “lead,” you shrink your arsenal and go to battle with one hand tied. Pashinyan’s military strategy reeks of farce when one considers the martial storms are gathering around Armenia…from Ukraine to Turkey, to Pakistan, Iran, Israel, Syria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Yemen…
The above facts have been reported by arka.am, bing.com.news, horizon weekly, NP, JAM-news, AZTAG, ZARTONK, PAN Armenian, Report.az, AzerNews, Civilnet, Caspian News, Calibis.Az, etc.
Name calling (“hezballa”) is not helpful.
Apparently, whoever renders a judgement to post or not to post a comment, ruled that my previous comment to Jirair’s article, a la Jirair Tutunjian, should not see the light of the day. Jirair, has resorted to wear his journalistic hat and has posted a comment. Here is my comment to his comment.
I am not bought to the notion that Jirair knows more about the military preparedness of Armenia than the Armenian government itself. Here are figures that Jirair may dispute if it has sources that negate what I quote.
The Turkish MILITARY budget is $47 billions, almost quintuple of Armenia’s $9.5 Billion STATE budget. No matter what budgetary increase Jirair envisions that Armenia can afford from its state budget, would not make a dent in the military preparedness balance.
Furthermore, Turkey is listed among the nations that has the least compulsory military service, from 6 months to a year. Russia’s is a year. I do not believe that 24 months long military service is sacrosanct. There is much, much more for military preparedness than months, the most basic of which is food, which for the Armenian conscripts is pitiful. Reducing the months to feed, may help.
Armenia’s security guarantee is more than its military. Yes, cross road for peace initiative is a major factor for a safer and more secure Armenia. August 8, 2025 peace deal for Trump’s passageway for peace and prosperity through Syunik, added to the safety and security of Armenia.
Understandably, it will be for the Armenians to safeguard and implement these initiatives or face the consequences of rejecting or sabotaging these initiatives.
“Apparently, whoever renders a judgement to post or not to post a comment, ruled that my previous comment to Jirair’s article, a la Jirair Tutunjian, should not see the light of the day.”
Mr. Apelian, check your records. Keghart has received no such comment.
To facilitate communication, I will reply categorically to Mr. Apelian.
1. He wrote: that no matter what military budget Armenia can afford, it would not make a dent in the military preparedness (versus Azerbaijan and Turkey.) So, why do we need an army? Why not dismantle the army, save billions of drams, and inject more workers into the economy who would increase tax revenues?
Maybe, like the American currency, we should say “In God We Trust” and send our soldiers home.
2. Apelian says Turkey is among the nations with the least number of civilians doing compulsory military service. Turkey can afford the above because the Turkish Armed Force is one of the world’s largest. It has a total strength of 355,000 active personnel and 380,000 reserves. As well, every year 1.4 million Turks reach military age. In other words, the one-year mandatory military service is reasonable. Israel, which pretends it is threatened by Arabs, has 100 to 180 nuclear bombs, a huge army and reserves. Yet it requires 32 months (men) and 24 months (women) military service for civilians. Armenia, which is far more threatened than Israel, has about 45,000 soldiers. Let’s not forget Armenia does not talk about Azerbaijan’s occupation of 200 square kilometers of Armenian territory with continuous advances being made along the border.
3. Apelian wrote that Armenia’s security guarantee is more than its military. Pray tell who is the guarantor? France? Unreliable Washington with a track record of abandoning allies? Turkbeijan? The UN? International public opinion? God? Maybe Pashinyan has an ingenious asymmetrical military strategy: the weaker we are, safer we are.
4. I suspect Pashinyan had a ulterior reason for reducing mandatory military service. He thinks the decision will make him popular and thus improve his chances in next year’s elections.
The above statistics are available on the Internet.
I have carefully read the entire article and Mr. Pashinyan’s speeches. Still, I find it very difficult to make sense of the following statements:
“As you know, Turkey has always feared that we would someday demand Ararat, Kars, Ardahan, and all of historic Armenia. We believe that reducing our defense budget will send a message to President Recep Erdogan that we pose no threat to Turkey and that all we want is to be good neighbors. Since historic Armenia is populated by Kurds, Erdogan will gladly hand the land to peaceful Armenia.”
I ask this sincerely:
Does Mr. Pashinyan truly believe this?
Does he really think that President Erdogan would ever prefer Armenians over Kurds?
This assumption feels deeply naïve, even dangerous.
Mr. Erdogan has repeatedly shown that he can form tactical alliances with various Kurdish actors or parties whenever it serves his domestic or regional agenda—always under the banner of “religious brotherhood” or “a shared homeland.”
Armenians, of all people, should know the cost of trusting such rhetoric. History has taught us, painfully, what these “temporary alliances” can lead to.
If the Armenian leadership truly believes that goodwill gestures—like reducing defense spending—will convince Ankara to respect our sovereignty or historical rights, then this is not diplomacy; it is wishful thinking.
This approach reflects a serious misunderstanding of Turkey’s regional strategy and political psychology. Ankara’s foreign policy has never been shaped by emotional gestures or signals of goodwill from its neighbors. It is driven by power calculations, demographic leverage, and ideological narratives that prioritize Turkish and Sunni dominance in the region. Expecting Erdogan’s government to “reward” Armenia’s pacifism or disarmament with trust and territorial generosity ignores both historical precedent and present-day realities.
Armenia cannot afford to base its security or diplomacy on illusions about its neighbors’ intentions. A realistic foreign policy must acknowledge that Turkey’s alliances are always conditional, instrumental, and ultimately self-serving. To believe otherwise is to repeat the mistakes of history under new names.
Peace cannot be built on denial, nor can trust grow where memory is ignored.
To the comments of David and Vahe,
No matter how we twist facts on the ground, Armenia is in a pitiful place. Prosperous looking Yerevan is not Armenia.
Hence I say, blindly being articulate as patriots is not going to bring back our losses of life and countries.
It is a wonder how Armenians dare pride themselves as chess ♟️ players, a war game requiring strategy. Let’s face it,
Armenia’s losses did not start with the fall of the Soviet Union. That life changing historic happening could have provided Armenia with opportunities for strategy. Instead, Armenia was given der bedrossian for president, and loss of factories, and poverty, and emigration en masse. It didn’t stop there.
Artsakh and Armenia got hit by wars and aggressions.
Being content with the poor lot, ie what Armenia currently is led by is pathetic.
Mr Tutunjian’s satire, taken seriously, clearly points to Armenia’s leaders’ lack of forward thinking, and fearing the devil, Simply put no strategy, only contentment with promises for peace.
Keghart, Here is my a la Jirair Tutunjian comment that I thought I sent.
“My unnamed trusted source told me that sometime during the past 7 days, Erdogan was having a loud lough during a meeting with his bakanlar(ministers). The ministers had no recollection when it was the last time, they saw Erdogan in such a loud mood. But none of ministers dared to ask him why he is so amused. It was his askeri bakan (military minister) who took the courage and the following had transpired.
Askeri bakan (military minister): Effendi, what is that amuses you so much?
Erdogan: yan komşumuz Ermeniler (our next-door Armenian neighbors) bickering how to slice their $9.5 Billion STATE budget to confront our MILIRARY , whose $47 Billion budget alone is more than quadruple their state budget.
askeri bakan: Effendi, görmezden gelmek (ignore them sir), Önemli meselelerimiz var (we have pressing issues.)
Reading Jirair’s reporting, I checked the internet and realized that Jirair’s figures are figments of his imagination. But Erdogan speaking on Armenia’s state budget in relations to Turkish military budget was right on the money !.”
TO SUM MY PRINCIPLED STAND, in response to Jirair Tutunjian’s rebuttal of my comment. I stand in support the democratically elected government of Armenia and I believe Diaspora in the West, should support the democratically elected government of Armenia, which is the government led by Nikol Pashinyan, the people have elected thrice – first time parliamentary on May 8, 2018; twice publicly on December 2018 and on June 2021. The policies of this government are undermined internally by Karekin II-Kocharyan-Sargsyan-ARF oligarchic coalition in cahoots with Russia. Diaspora has no business to side with the opposition, which is untenable morally let alone legally. It will be up to the people of Armenia to consent to their next government on June 2026 in a democratic election. Jirair Tutunjian supports the oligarchic, mostly Karabagh clan led opposition, which I believe is wrong. Therein lies the insecurity of Armenia, not military added budget allocation from Armenia’s meager state budget of 9.5 billion. Nor is the security of Armenia undermined by reducing its compulsory military training to 18 months.
Mr. Apelian continues to whistle in the wind. He must have lots of free time. Below is a sympathetic account of his two recent intemperate letters to Keghart.
1. He accused Keghart of not publishing his fulminations although Keghart had published two of his comments re the recent Pashinyan satire. These are in addition to the numerous letters Apelian has sent to Keghart over the years.
2. Apelian wrote: “I checked the Internet and realized that Jirair’s figures are figments of his imagination.” In the article and in my two letters I cited thirteen figures. Since Apelian didn’t bother to identify the figures I had supposedly cited, I can’t respond to his fuming and musings.
Considering Apelian’s baseless accusations and the blowing of hot air, I’ll no longer respond to his storm in a teacup shenanigans.