Special Satire Issue

17 May 2025

Since veteran journalist Jirair Tutunjian joined Keghart in its early days as editor-in-chief, he has written hundreds of articles on a variety of subjects of interest to our readers. In the past sixteen years, Tutunjian has written editorials, feature articles, profiles, columns, and humor pieces. Long-time readers might recall Tutunjian’s satiric pieces about the Ahmet and Mehmet chats at the Ataturk Bistro. Recently, Tutunjian has begun a new series of satirical articles. We present seven of them in this special issue.

The Tropholic First “Lady” of Gaserbaijan
Pashinyan’s Authorized Preposterous Armenian History
Bloviating Anteater Pinocchio Has Innovative Demands
Mr. U-Turn Erdogan
Pashinyan’s 10-Point Protocol
Three Spies, Summit
Avaricious Vatican Covets San Lazzaro

The Tropholic First “Lady” of Gaserbaijan

Some people collect stamps. Others collect coins, first editions, sports cards…Mehriban Aliyeva, the First “Lady” of Azerbaijan, Vice-President of the same gangster entity, the leader of the New Azerbaijan Party, and head of the Heydar Aliyev Foundation collects trophies…medals, titles, ribbons, and anything shiny that states from Serbia to Kuwait to Pakistan toss her way. It would take more than a page to list her 40-plus trophies and medals which have been attached to her cosmetically-enhanced chest by Russia, Georgia, Poland, Hungary, Bulgaria, Switzerland, Italy, Belgium, UNESCO, Israel…Thus, the Vatican was a Johnny-come-lately when it awarded Mehriban (it means “kind person”) her undeserved Order of the Pope Pius IX Dame Grand Cross in 2020.

It’s pointless to point out that she deserves none of the trophies. The awards piled on her are all about building bridges with Baby Aliyev, dictator-for-life, war criminal, and genocidier.

Some of her trophies are hamstrung by ponderous-ridiculous names. For example, the Patriarch Kirill of Moscow bestowed upon her the Princess Olga Order of 2^nd Degree of the Russian Orthodox Church. One assumes the First “Lady” of Azerbaijan was not amused by the “2^nd Degree.” Perhaps to make amends (did Putin phone him?), Kirill later gave her the Order of the Saint Equal-to-the Apostle Princess Olga 1^st class“ in recognition for “her role in preserving traditional values.” Yes, such traditional Turkic values as imprisoning journalists, torturing human rights advocates, and slaying members of the opposition political party.

She has also picked honorary degrees, honorary citizen recognitions, good-will ambassador designations, friendship orders, and two honorary doctorates.

In addition to awards by foreign countries, Azerbaijan has pitched in to fatten the Mehriban (Mehribun?) Trophy Trove. Thus, Mrs. Aliyev has received from her generous and gaseous homeland the following awards:

Public Figure of 2001
The Person of 2005
Woman of the Year 2005
The Person of the Year 2015
The Heydar Aliyev Order
Cossack Glory award
Mikayil Huseynov Medal 2017
Guzeir Hajibogli honorary medal.

If you think the number of the above trophies is excessive, especially for someone who runs a successful dictatorship with her husband, Mehribun would merrily argue with you. For example, she would point to you that despite her impressive collection of trophies, the Guinness World Records has failed to contact her to include her unique, superlative, and impressive collection.

Two other international organizations have also been remiss in their responsibilities to the Queen of Baku. The culprits are the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ISAPS) and the perfume industry of France.

Dior, Givenchy, Guerlain, Chanel, YSL, etc. have irresponsibly and ungratefully failed to recognize the financial contributions Mehribun has made to their industry through her money-is-no-object beauty budget. However, a bigger tardy party is ISAPS which apparently has been sleeping on the job.

Gasbaijan’s First “Lady” must be one of the most frequent customers of ISAPS members round the world. Mehribun has apparently “augmented” everything above her waist, especially her face. As a result, she has a problem showing a full range of facial expressions. Apparently, her extensive and expensive effort to look younger than her years has been successful: a few years ago, at a U.S.-Azeri diplomatic function attended by Mehribun and her two daughters, a U.S. Secret Service Agent asked: “Which one is the mother?”

Finally, there is the matter of her wealth (she is one of the richest women in the world.) Her wealth is state secret although it’s known that with her hubby, she owns an insurance company, has ties to state-run businesses, has large investments in several banks, co-owns a telecommunication company, a travel agency, the only Bentley dealership in Gaserbaijan, and owns the second-largest gold mine in the country.

Meanwhile, lonesome Mrs. Dictator sits at home checking her phone and laptop to see whether there are any messages from ISAPS or Jean Patou.

Pashinyan’s Authorized Preposterous Armenian History

A few weeks ago, while vacationing at a five-star Antalya resort, Armenia’s Prime Minister Nikol Pashinan took the weekend off to draft a 13-chapter outline of a book he plans to write where he would offer his version of Armenian history. The outline of the book was leaked by a mole at Pashinyan’s office.

Chapter I: Mount Ararar or more appropriately Aghri Dagh has no place in the Armenian coat-of-arms because the volcanic formation is in Turkey. The Armenian obsession with the volcanic outcrop is incomprehensible to any thinking person. The Japanese do not adore Fujiyama, the Italians don’t adore Etna, Stromboli or the Vesuvius.
Chapter II: Armenia is not the cradle of the Indo-European race. Ukraine is.
Chapter III: Krikor Lusavorich was not Armenian. He was a Hellenized Persian propagandist. Khor Virab is a geological formation, and King Drtad III’s descent into animalism is psychobabble.
Chapter IV: There were no 40 Hripsimiants Virgins or Abbess Kayane. No Roman historian has mentioned them.
Chapter V: Considering the occupations of Armenia by various nations, there is no Armenian who is 100 percent Armenian.
Chapter VI: Mesrob Mashdots copied the Armenian alphabet from the Ethiopian alphabet when he was doing research in Ethiopia.
Chapter VII: General Vartan Mamigonian was a sentimental fool of Chinese descent. He sacrificed 60,000 Armenian soldiers on behalf of a Judean carpenter of questionable parentage.
Chapter VIII: Our rejection of Islam is the biggest blunder of our nation. It has resulted in untold misery and genocide for 1,500 years.
Chapter IX: Hatai, which Armenians call Cilicia, was illegally acquired by Armenian princelings. The land belonged to Byzantium.
Chapter X: Movses Khorenatsi, Agatangeghos, Pavdos Pizant, Goryoun, Yeznig Goghpatsi, Mateos Urhayetsi, etc. were fabulists.
Chapter XI: Armenians lived comfortably in the Ottoman Empire until reckless and violent Armenian revolutionaries tried to dismantle the generous empire.
Chapter XII: Hagop Baronian and Yervant Odian didn’t write a single funny line. Like Bedros Turian, Misak Medzarents, Taniel Varoujan, et al, they were provincial writers with no knowledge of Armenia proper.
Chapter XIII: Turkish should become the second language of Armenia and Armenia should form a confederation of Turkeye and Azerbaijan.

To research his delusional missive, Pashinyan plans to consult the following sources:
– Ataturk Mustafa Kemal, The Trojans were the original Turks (University of Basterma, 1936.)
– Bayendi Dr. Imam, The Truth about the Armenians (Kelleh Pacha Institute, 1954.)
– Dr. Don Key, Famous Armenians of Turkish descent (Bilge University, 2015)
– Kismet Inonu, How the Great Ataturk Rescued the Armenians (Sarsakh Strategic Foundation.)
– Odian Yervant, Abdul Hamid and Sherlock Holmes (Sarsam University, 1920.)
– Russell Yakov, The Albanian Roots of Armenians (Yell University, 2020)
– Shishmanoglu Sarsari, 2001 Armenian Words of Turkish Origin (Sakhat Institute of Afyon-Karahisar, 2010.)
– Soony Donald, The Phrygian Origin of Armenians (Moe-Town Press, 2010.)

Bloviating Anteater Pinocchio Has Innovative Demands

While the world was looking forward to the dragged-out peace treaty between Armenia and the petrodollar dictatorship Azerbaijan, aka Turkey Jr., Baku’s Baby Aliyev recently threw in the monkey wrench peace prospects with the below missive to Boy Scout Nicky Pashinyan, the putative leader of Armenia. Although the contents of the letter are still held under wraps, one of our moles managed to get a copy of what Ill Ham wrote.

1. Armenia should exile revanchists, irredentists, uncompromising ultra-nationalists, xenophobes, Turk haters, obscurantists, political opportunists, and fly-by-night adventurers since they pose a threat to Azerbaijan.
2. Armenia’s previous leaders (Ter-Petrosyan, Kocharyan, and Sarksyan) should be jailed for supporting the illegal “state” of Artsakh.
3. There should be drastic changes in Armenia’s coat-of-arms: the three aggressive-looking lions and three violent-looking eagles should be removed and replaced by six deer. Mount Agri (Turkish name of Mount Ararat—Editor) should be dropped.
4. Armenia’s national anthem is misogynist. It includes 1 “man,” 1 “His,” 1 “Fatherland,” 1 “Man,” 1 “Sons,” 1 “Brother.” The anthem should be unisex by including female pronouns.
5. The so-called Genocide Museum should be shuttered and its contents burned. The statues of the so-called gods Vahakn, Haig Nahabed, Vartan Mamigonian, et al should be pulverized.
6. Any reference to the so-called genocide of Armenians should be removed from textbooks.
7. Financially compensate the 250,000 Azerbaijanis who were driven from Armenia more than thirty years ago.
8. Return to France and to India weapons Armenia bought from these two countries in recent years.
9. Armenia should recognize the proposed Zangezur Corridor as Azerbaijani territory.
10. Since many of Armenia’s citizens are not natives, having descended from Ottoman Armenians and Safavid Persia, you should facilitate their departure from Armenia.
11. Diaspora Armenians, who plan to visit Armenia, should sit for an exam at the local Armenian Embassy to determine their loyalty to Pashinyan’s Armenia.
12. The Medzamor nuclear reactor should be dismantled to prevent the possibility that war-mongering nuclear scientists might secretly devise nuclear bombs at the site.

Mr. U-Turn Erdogan

Concerned with her husband’s unpredictable behavior and deteriorating mental condition, a few weeks ago Emine Erdogan (EE) flew with her husband in a private jet to Switzerland. Their sons—Necemeddin Bilal and Ahmet Burak accompanied them on the hush-hush flight which took off from a secret airport. Mr. Erdogan thought they were going on vacation. In fact, they were headed to the hotel-cum sanatorium Lindenhof-Gunzenhaus-Schnauser, north of Lausanne, Switzerland. They were to see Herr Doktor Bluff Achdung-Schtumpf, the eminent psychiatrist-psychologist-psychoanalyst.

While Erdogan was being given a head-to-toes massage, Mrs. Erdogan was interviewed by Herr Doktor Achdung-Schtumpf.

DR: Tell me why do you think your husband is suffering from mental problems?

EE: I don’t think it’s right to say he is suffering from mental problems. I would say he suffers from double personality disorder.

DR:: Please give me examples of the alleged disorder.

EE: Evet. Several years ago he announced a policy of “Zero problems with neighbors.” But the statement’s ink had hardly dried when he threatened Armenia, Cyprus, Greece, Syria and the Kurds.

DR:: What you call contradiction is a sign of astute strategy. Pardon me for pointing out…it’s a necessary congenital syndrome-pattern among deft politicians, Ja.

EE: But he also denounced Israel several times yet continued to maintain $10 billion annual trade with Israel. He said he would liberate Jerusalem Mubarak, but continued to sell fuel to Israel… necessary for Israel to continue its genocide of Palestinians. I wouldn’t be surprised if next week he flies to Tel Aviv and shakes hands with war criminal Netanyahu.

DR: Again, I say…

EE: How about the fracas with Emmanuel Macron? My husband said Macron needed his head examined…what’s the word for that? It’s at the tip of my tongue.

DR: You are thinking of projection.

EE: Yes, yes, that’s the word. For example, because he hates Greeks, he could project that hostility by assuming Greece is about to attack us. That unfounded suspicion would be the incentive for him to declare war against Greece. His fear of Greece is paranoia since we are many times stronger than Greece.

DR: Why do you think he is so hostile towards Greece?

EE: It’s not just politics. It’s visceral: I think it’s because there is credible evidence that he is of Greek origin.

DR: Ummm. You are saying he is overcompensating by threatening Greece. Ja?  We are entering muddy waters.

EE: There’s nothing muddy about what he called European heads of state. Turkey would have vanished in the times of the sultans if the European states had not protected it against Russia, armed it, and trained its army. Otherwise, Turkey would have been part of Greece and Armenia. The Europeans industrialized Turkey. Without European investments, Turkey’s economy would have collapsed long ago. He even called the heads of Germany and Holland “Nazis,” although for more than a century Germany has been our godfather.

DR: I am aware of the great debt Turkey owes Germany. I don’t think the Turkish Airlines would have had its current high profile were it not for the technical and training support of Lufthansa German Airlines.

EE: What would you call his yo-yo relations with Vladimir Putin? One day it’s “Brother Vladimir” and the next he sells drones to Ukraine. One day Russia will build billion-dollar nuclear facilities in Turkey and the following week Recep says Turkey would join the Europeans if they go to war against Russia.

DR: It sounds serious.

EE: Have you followed his dizzying U-turn economics? One day he scoffs at orthodox economics, ridicules his economic advisers and the next month he is a believer in economic orthodoxy. You know it reminds me of gangsters in second-rate movies who give their victims hot and cold treatment.

DR: You are an observant person. Congratulations.

EE: It’s not just politics. He is changeable in his private life too. One day he says our eldest son is his favorite but the following day says he loves our four children equally. One day he hates tea and the next day he drinks a whole pot.

The clinic’s door suddenly opens with a bang and Erdogan barges in. His sons try to restrain him.

Erdogan: Hah! I caught you. You brought me here to Antalya so that you could meet your secret lover. Nicmeddin Bilal, Ahmet Burak…my sons…quick… call my body guards and the imam. I say: Talak, Talak, Talak. Three times to guarantee divorce.

Pashinyan’s 10-Point Protocol

One late night a few weeks ago in the bedroom of Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan (NP) and his wife, the self-described beauty, eminent journalist, and military guru Anna Hakobyan (AH).

NP: Anna, Anna…wake up. I want to show you something.

AH: Nikol, please. I was having such a spectacular dream… I dreamt I was gliding in a golden gondola in Venice or was it the Seine in Paris? I was surrounded by such movie stars as Catherine Deneuve and the late Jean-Paul Belmondo who praised my exotic beauty.

NP: Can you forget the dream for a minute? I am writing of a greater dream: Our Dream.

AH: You mean we will finally leave Armenia, empty our European bank accounts and live happily ever after on the Riviera?

NP: No, no. I have written my protocol…a sort of my last will and testament. It’s my vision of Real Armenia.

AH: All right, but keep it short. I have to go back to sleep.

NP: I call it “The Pashinyan’s 10-Point Protocol: Steps toward brave new Real Armenia.”

After writing the obligatory preamble, here are  points:

1. Our knowledge of our history is unreliable because it has been written by foreigners. Like sheep, we have accepted it as the truth. From Pavsdoz Pizant to Arnold J. Toynbee, foreigners have been writing our history. The sorry tradition has continued in recent times by David Marshall Lang and Elizabeth Bauer. It’s high time we threw away our “history” books and started from Ayb, Ben, Gim…
2. There is no Western Armenia. There never was. Its proper name is Eastern Turkey or Kurdistan. Why call it Western Armenia when not a single Armenian lives there? Mischievous and ignorant Armenians, mostly in the diaspora, who say Armenia’s territory is shrinking should consider that Armenia is larger than Lebanon and Israel. We should stamp out irredentism.
3. We should renounce Cilicia…the phony kingdom which somehow managed to last three-hundred years through guile, aggression, treachery, and alliances with disreputable parties such as the pagan Mongols.
4. Our religion is an import from Palestine. It’s a foreign religion. It has been harmful to our nation. We should erase the Church from our lives and culture.
5. We agree with the international view that Nagorno-Karabakh legally belongs to Azerbaijan. Armenians living there were interlopers…crude, uncouth, and violent people who were a burden on Armenia.
6. We are being selfish when we deny Azerbaijan passage from Azerbaijan to Nakhichevan. How can we be good neighbors when we refuse to cooperate on a project which will not hurt us? We will build a six-lane highway to facilitate Azeri transportation. To avoid unnecessary friction with Azeri drivers, we will place Azeri custom officers—along with Armenian officers–at both ends of the Corridor.
7. It’s high time—after more than a century—to get rid of lugubrious genocide commemorations, especially when we don’t know what exactly happened, why it happened, and if it really happened. International historians, including Turk and Azeri, should participate in a new and robust research to determine what happened and whether it happened because of Armenian irresponsibility. And until scholars present their conclusions, the Tsisternagabert Monument would be closed. At the same time we will also modify our coat-of-arms by removing aggressive and dated symbols.
8. To demonstrate our trust and friendship with Azerbaijan, we should also ask the EU to remove its pointless observers from the Azerbaijan/Armenia border.
9. Since the Nagorno-Karabakh Armenians have always been a headache for Armenia, we will facilitate their departure from Armenia. We will also restrict visits from the diaspora and order diaspora Armenians who own real estate or businesses in Armenia to leave. They are a source of dissension and sow mental sabotage.
10. To purify our blood lines, we will launch “The DNA Project” whereby every citizen will undergo a mandatory DNA test. As a result, we will deport people who have alien DNA and all “citizens” whose ancestors settled in Armenia after 1920.

As a result of the above positive measures, Armenians will receive immediate benefits from brotherly Turkey and Azerbaijan. The two borders will open, vacations to Antalya and Istanbul will be cheaper; the Turks will be able to pray at Yerevan’s Blue Mosque, fuel prices will come down, and Turkish film-TV stars and singers will entertain us in the Opera.

NP: Anna, Anna, are you awake? I counted the words. My protocol is exactly 666 words. I hope nobody notices.

 Three Spies, Summit

The California Courier, 15 April 2025

Recently, three heads of Middle Eastern intelligence agencies met secretly in a remote suburb of Trebizond in northern Turkiye. Their heads of government were not aware of the meeting at Villa Seljuklar. The top spies were Ibrahim Kalin, director of Turkish intelligence known as MIT; David Barnea, head of Israel’s Mossad; and Esmaeil Khatib, head of Iranian intelligence. The meeting was at the initiative of Barnea. Kalin knew Barnea’s agenda, but Khatib had no idea about the unwritten agenda.

Barnea: Let me get to the point. We represent three non-Arab states. Realizing that a united Arab world—remember Egypt’s Nasser—would threaten us, from the early ‘50s to the late ‘70s we worked together to scuttle the United Arab World project. Israel and Turkiye have been friends for nearly 80 years. Turkey recognized Israel in 1949, barely a year after Israel was founded. Mossad agents trained Shah Mohammad Pahlavi’s secret service, which kept the Shah in absolute power.

Unfortunately, our secret triumvirate collapsed when the Shah was toppled and an Islamic republic was established in Iran. Meanwhile, Turkey went through several unstable governments until the rise of Erdogan.

While the Arab states are in disarray now, history tells us they would rise again, hollering “Wahda” (Unity). Although there’s tension among our three governments, I think we can devise a secret plan that will establish our informal alliance and dominate the Middle East.

Esmaeil Khatib: I am all for friendship among our three states. However, it cannot be achieved so long as the army and the public are loyal to the Ayatollahs.

Barnea: Not to worry. When our F-35s and American invisible planes flatten Iran’s nuclear installations and eliminate the chief Ayatollahs, it will be—as Americans say–”cake walk” to establish a friendly and pro-Western government.

Kalin: I am pro a secret understanding among our three nations. An understanding whose cornerstone would be keeping the Arabs down.

Khatib: I can’t persuade the Ayatollahs to join the triumvirate, considering the losses we suffered strategically, militarily, and in prestige due to the Israeli government’s actions in Palestine, Lebanon, and Syria. We see Israel and Turkiye are carving Syria between yourselves. If we join the triumvirate, we would be the poor relation. What would we win if we joined the triumvirate you are promoting?

Barnea: Now that Turkiye has a large slice of northern Syria, perhaps Erdogan would give part of Kurdistan to Iran.

Kalin: Impossible. What you are proposing is that we give our sacred land to Iran.

Khatib: The concept of attributing holiness to earth and stone is primitive nonsense. Besides, the land you call the sacred Turkish land is Armenia. Until the late 19th century it was referred to as Armenia. Then the vicious ignoramus known as Sultan Abdul Hamid II decreed that the Armenian land be named Kurdistan in all maps. I say “ignoramus”. After all, he also banned the H2O chemical symbol of water because he believed it meant Hamid the Second is Dead.

Barnea: Mr. Khatib…

Khatib: Refer to me as “Imam.” I am a clergyman.

Barnea: A clergyman who is a spy.

Khatib: Didn’t Moses send spies to Jericho because he claimed God had promised the land of Canaan to the Hebrews?

Kalin: Let’s not argue about religion. We are modern, sophisticated, and urbane executives. I command 8,000 agents while Barnea is the head of 7,000 Mossad agents.

Barnea: It’s clear Imam Khatib wants more land for Iran although Iran is larger than Turkiye and Israel combined. Earlier we agreed we should keep Arab states down. I propose that it’s not enough: we should remove Arabs from the Middle East. We should push them down…yes ethnic cleansing…to the Arabian Peninsula. Then, Iran can have Kuwait and Iraq. Remember that Arabs are strangers to the Middle East. In the 7th century they moved north and conquered the Middle East.

Kalin: I agree with Barnea’s view.

Khatib: Let me get this straight. Arabs, who moved north in the 7th century, don’t belong in the Middle East while Turkish invaders, who occupied the Middle East in the 12th century, and Khazars, who had converted to Judaism in the Middle Ages, are entitled to Palestine. Gentlemen, thank you for inviting me to this confidential meeting. Have a good day.

Barnea: Sheikh…Imam, don’t forget what we said in this room stays in this room. If you share what we discussed, we will eliminate you in 24 hours.

Kalin: Khatib, I have a present and a threat. If you fail to sell our generous proposal to your Ayatollahs, Turkey, Azerbaijan, and Israel will invade Iran.

Khatib: I am not surprised. The Khazars who call themselves Israeli are ethnic Turks. It’s no wonder Erdogan supplied the IDF with the Azeri fuel the Zionist butchers craved to continue the genocide of Palestinians. Meanwhile your boss, Erdogan, kept threatening Zionists with invasion. Bah. Murderous hypocrites.

*****

Avaricious Vatican Covets San Lazzaro

After the Armenian Quarter in Jerusalem, the 7.4-acre San Lazzaro islet off Venice is perhaps the most important Armenian real estate outside Armenia. Recent aggressive moves by the Vatican leave no doubt the current descendant of the notorious Pope Alexander Borgia wants to grab the island the Catholic Mekhitarist clergy have owned and occupied for more than three centuries. Below is a fictional phone conversation between fictional Cardinal Marcello Medzaluna (CMM) of Vatican’s real estate acquisition office and Monseigneur Arev Lusignan (MAL), administrator of the Armenian island.

Cardinal Marcello Medzaluna: Greetings, brother Arev.

Monseigneur Arev Lusignan: Greetings.

CMM: We, at the Holy Office of the Vatican, are naturally concerned in the diminishing number of clergymen at San Lazzaro.

MAL: Our numbers have always gone up and down. I am not worried. You shouldn’t be either.

CMM: They are also getting old.

MAL: Who isn’t?

CMM: We are also concerned in the security of the sacred relics, the 200,000 books, publications, religious paintings and statues, the Etruscan vases, Aivazovsky’s paintings, the Egyptian mummies, the oldest sword and ancient documents…

MAL: We have the latest in security technology in place.

CMM: How about your finances?

MAL: Of course we don’t have the revenues you receive as landlord or

from the sale of stamps, coins, postcards, and medals. I understand you also get your water at no charge from the Rome’s municipality in addition to tax breaks.

CMM: The Holy Father intends to send investigators to curate the island’s inventory.

MAL: Everyone knows the Vatican is in a deplorable financial state. Donations are down. Last year, the Vatican failed to balance its budget and had an operating loss of $87 million and was on the brink of bankruptcy. The Holy Father’s liberal attitude regarding sexual matters have alienated millions of Catholics around world. Many of these loyal sons and daughters of St. Peter have put aside their rosaries, stopped attending church, and have denounced the “progressive” statements of the Holy Father. Clergymen and nuns are leaving their orders in droves.

CMM: The Holy Father insists we do an inventory of the island’s possessions.

MAL: I would like to remind you that San Lazzaro doesn’t belong to the Vatican or to the Catholic Church. The island was given to our founder Mekhitar Sebasdatsi in 1717 by the Republic of Venice. We have always been a positive presence locally and internationally.

CMM: The Vatican has never accepted your ownership of the island.

MAL: I am wondering whether Vatican’s sudden animus towards us has anything to do with the Pope’s recent visit to Azerbaijan. The Pope and his ambassador to Azerbaijan congratulated the murderous dictator Ilham Aliyev for “promoting peaceful relationship among Catholics, Muslims, and Jews.” The Holy Father somehow ignored the fact that there are FEWER THAN 600 CHRISTIANS IN AZERBAIJAN. He also said he was happy to see peace between Armenia and Turkey Jr., ignoring the “peace treaty” isn’t worth the paper it’s written on because it was achieved under duress.

While hailing Aliyev for promoting Muslim-Christian friendship, the Holy Father had a failure of memory (like our founder St. Peter) when he forgot that nearly 200,000 Armenians fled from Azerbaijan because they faced pogroms by the tolerant Azerbaijanis. A few years ago the Pope awarded Vatican’s highest honor—The Grand Cross—to the Azerbaijan’s bloody dictator who last year drove 120,000 Armenians from their Nagorno-Karabakh homeland. The awarding of the Grand Cross was followed by a $15 million donation to the Vatican by the Heydar Aliyev Foundation which is headed by Mrs. Aliyev. Just a few days ago, Azerbaijan’s ambassador was also bestowed Vatican top honor while a symposium in Rome highlighted the architecture of Armenian churches which the Azeri participants identified as ancient Albanian.

The Pope’s policy is transparent. He is making every effort to legitimize the genocidal Aliyev dictatorship.

CMM: Why doing an inventory of San Lazzaro related to the good relations between the Holy See and Baku relevant?

MAL: To keep the Azeri manats flowing into the Vatican coffers, our Holy Father believes he should demonstrate tacit hostility toward Armenians. And what’s an easier target than a tiny island?

CMM: You are paranoid.

MAL: Paranoids can have enemies too. Please remind the Holy Father the words of Christ: “You can’t serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24.)

*****